Grandpa Buff 2011

Last Saturday, Kevin's grandfather George passed away at 93 years old. He was extremely well-loved. He was the last grandfather Kevin and I had and one of the best men I have known. I am certain he is one of the reasons Kevin is such an amazing husband and father. At his wake and funeral this week, I felt proud that James is his great grandson.

This is what Kevin said about him the day of the funeral:

By anyone’s estimation, my grandfather’s life was an overwhelming success.

George Altimus Rogers was married for over sixty years to a woman who cherished him so deeply she withstood thousands of hours of sports she did not care for and pretended not to understand. Only occasionally—when the table was set and dinner was warm—would she say, Turn off the idiot box, Buffy.

He had four children—Nesie and Mary and Dick and my mother—all of whom were by his side when he died. He had four grandchildren—Katie and Chris and Andrew and me—and one great grandchild, all of whom visited him during his final days. He owned a business, ran a farm, and served his country overseas. You are not likely to meet someone else who can say this.

He was the only Red Sox fan I know who was alive when the team won the World Series in 2007, 2004, and 1918. As a kid, he crafted wooden nickels in shop class to circumvent the turnstile and sneak into Boston Braves games. The last time we spoke, he had opinions about the Patriots’ defense.

Everyday he listened to an AM radio older than I am and read two newspapers. Until it was no longer possible, he kept himself fit playing golf and gardening. His mind he kept sharp with crosswords. He told me he liked all of the presidents. For decades, he sat in a comfortable chair beside my grandmother and looked at peace.

My grandfather attended my graduations and my wedding. When my son James gripped his finger, he called him Jimmy. My grandfather and I had an entirely uncomplicated relationship. He treated me with respect, and I respected him tremendously. When someone lives a life as long and rich in meaning as my grandfather did, you feel very grateful and, for a time, you feel very sad.

I will miss the earnest greeting he unfailingly delivered to me—and then my wife Ericka and later James—when we came to see him. I will miss the reverence with which his chair was treated—both in the living room and at the head of the table—and his perpetually stained slacks. I will miss his indifference toward those stains. I will miss the long silences my grandfather and I shared waiting for the pitcher to throw the ball to the batter. I will even miss the fable of how he ate every part of the apple, though I suspect my grandmother will keep this story in circulation.

I will miss a lot of things about my grandfather because there were a lot of things to appreciate and to admire. We will all miss him and, in doing so, we will honor what a great grandfather and father and husband and man he was.

With his kids and grandchildren in 2007


At our wedding in 2009


Celebrating his 60th wedding anniversary in 2010


Meeting his great-grandson James in 2011


James's fourth trip to visit his great grandpa and our last photo together

Our 2nd Wedding Anniversary 2011

Kevin and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary on Monday.  Last year, we went to Niagara Falls to celebrate a week early during Memorial Day Weekend. Then on the actual day of our anniversary we went to the Brooklyn Bridge Park, smashed our wedding wine bottle guestbook, and then ate some famous Grimaldi's pizza. (Note: Because of my guestbook idea that post was added to some wedding search engine, so the post is by far our most popular with hundreds of hits.)

This year, and I might have mentioned this somewhere here, we had a baby on our hands, so we had to tone it down. Besides, we had our night of dressing up, dinner, and dancing on the night of the Kosmidis wedding two days earlier. So Kevin and I celebrated by taking a family walk in our town's bird sanctuary garden, taking some photos, and ordering copious amounts of sushi for dinner. James did not cooperate by being happy or quiet, but he's making up for it today by being the angel baby he always is when we leave him with someone else.

Taken by James (well, the automatic propped up on his stroller)

Since James was so good, I had an opportunity to scan photos for the first time since I was pregnant. Some of you know how happy such a thing makes me. The first thing I scanned was a few more guestbook messages I couldn't find last year, and look, my friend Cate's message was prescient of life after our first anniversary when we opened the bottle.  I was pregnant for much of the last year of our marriage, and Kevin got MLB.TV a streaming television application so he can watch Red Sox games that aren't on the networks in our area. Um-hum, lots of baby, and lots of Red Sox.

Cate's message in a bottle for our first anniversary

On a more serious note, it's difficult to express how my love and respect for my husband has grown over the past year because of his incredible support during the illness and death of my father, and during my long and tiring pregnancy. And also, now, watching him be the most amazing father ever to our baby. You can watch all the Red Sox you want, honey.

Letter from a Doctor 2010

Some people in this world are truly special.  One of dad's doctors called shortly after my dad died, and he sent a letter saying the same thing.  For four months (and even now) I thought constantly of the details of dad's cancer like it was a nefarious puzzle I was trying to solve.  No matter how many different ways I considered it, I couldn't solve it.  You would think that such a letter would come from an oncologist who was used to patients' families being haunted by the complicated choices of fighting cancer, but it actually came from one of his urologists.  He is an exceptionally thoughtful doctor and a kind man, and my mother and I are grateful to him.

Dear Mrs. Shute and Family:

I am very sorry about the passing of your husband, James Shute.  As you know, I did not get to know him for very long but I can tell you that he never seemed to complain despite his many medical problems.  I know it was difficult for you to make decisions about him but I think it is important to let you know that I think everything that you did was correct.  I do know that he was lucky to have such a loving family around him.

If there is anything that I or my office can do for you, please do not hesitate to let me know.

Thanksgiving 2010

I was hoping for a different Thanksgiving this year and for many years to come than what will be. I was looking forward to taking full family pictures this year with a pregnant belly and next year with the baby. But I am still thankful for some things.

On my wedding day, I remembered how lucky I was that dad had made it through his kidney cancer in 1999. I felt lucky that he could walk me down the aisle and dance with me at the wedding. I am thankful Kevin and I went to my dad's favorite place in Upstate New York with my parents last summer after we got married. I am thankful that I spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas with my parents last year especially since I never suspected it was my last chance to spend the holidays with both of them.

I am thankful that my dad wasn't working for the six months before his diagnosis. Even though he was depressed about not being able to find another job, he was still able to spend that time with mom and their friends and enjoying the outdoors. During that time, my parents visited us in our Brooklyn apartment shortly after my birthday, and Kevin and I treated my parents to dinner for their 25th wedding anniversary.  Before dad began treatment we had a dinner at home that he was able to enjoy.  After he started treatment I remember being thankful even at the time for the opportunity to make him a sandwich. If you are lucky enough to have your parents or children you love, please do everything you can to make them happy while they are healthy -- whether it is big or small.

I am grateful that after his diagnosis, Kevin took me to every appointment dad had with a doctor or procedure he had done.  When I couldn't make it because of work, Kevin went without me.  Every weekend that we didn't have a close friend's wedding to attend we spent with my parents in New Jersey. He helped me with talking to doctors and calling insurance.  He did innumerable favors for my parents and continues to do so for my mother.  He is truly a son to both of my parents.  I might spend the rest of my life making it up to him for how wonderful he is.  We had no idea that my dad would only have 4 months but I am so glad that there is very little we would have done differently if we had known.

I am grateful that my mother was at my father's side every single day since his diagnosis.  There was rarely a day she didn't spend 10-12 hours or more at his side.  Knowing she was there and that he had her to take care of him was an amazing comfort to me.  Everything she did, she did just for him and no one else, but what an amazing gift she gave all of us who love my father.  She was smart and strong for both of them.  Anyone who has been through cancer or a loved one's illness knows that a great deal depends on the patient's support system.  Someone has to be there to ask a million questions and fight for their loved ones- whether it be with insurance companies, pharmacies, doctors, or errant nurses.  He had wonderful nurses and PCAs when he was on the oncology floor at Valley Hospital, but my mother still learned their jobs and tried to personally do everything for my dad herself.  I assure you there is no better nurse than my mother caring for someone she loves.  I am happy to have my mother in my life, and proud that she is so intelligent, strong, and loving.  I hope to live up to be the kind of woman that she is.

I am relieved that my mother and I never left my father alone during the last week of his life. Once the doctor told us that the tumors had grown on Sunday the 14th, my mother started staying overnight so that dad wouldn't be lonely or afraid or suffer any pain or discomfort that she could prevent. I stayed at least 10 hours a day.  One of dad's last meals was his favorite chocolate milkshake that I bought him and mom fed him.  I gave him his last glass of water.  We told him we loved him hundreds of times in four months in as many ways as we knew how.  I am so glad I  told him he was a wonderful father.  

I am grateful to the friends that visited and helped, especially my mother's friend Onel.  Thankful forever to my friends that came to visit to help me personally, and to the few that sent food. It's hard to tell people what they can do for you when your world is falling apart; what a blessing for friends that do whatever they can think of to help.

I am really grateful that Kevin and I will have someone else to love soon and that we will be parents.  Though I really wish people would stop saying that it somehow makes up for the loss of my dad.  It doesn't.  On the contrary, dad was at his best with children.  How sad that our child will never know such a wonderful grandfather, and that we can never have visits or holidays all together.

Thanksgivings past:

With my parents in Upstate NY in 1988

On the Cape in 2001

On the Cape in 2003

On the Cape in 2004

In New Jersey in 2007, the day after Kevin proposed

In New Jersey in 2008

On the Cape in 2009

Dad's Time

We don't know how long dad has left but it's matter of days now. He's in pain and he's suffering. He's on a lot of pain medication, so he's incoherent or asleep most of the time. But we figure that's better than him being in more pain.

To say that he doesn't deserve this is a vast understatement. He's a wonderful and generous person. For the 25 to 26 years that I've known him he exercised and ate well and encouraged me to do the same. He practiced yoga, meditation, and tai chi. At 61-years-old, he looks ten years younger.  He helped all his elderly neighbors. He gave money to people he didn't even know who needed his help. Even now in the hospital he worries about my mother and me, and even about the nurses. Some of the nurses have cried for him.

That's the easy stuff to explain. It's so hard to explain what he's done for me and for my mother. I can't speak to the entirety of my parents' relationship, but he is the kind of husband other people envy. He worked and he also cooked and ran the household chores. He was devoted and faithful to my mother for over 25 years. She tells the nurses and anyone who will listen that he never so much as raised his voice to her. The evidence of their mutual love is that my mother has been at his side every day all day throughout his illness, and she has never considered it one minute more than he deserves.

With mom in Charlottesville in 2007

My dad has always put me before himself. Without him, I wouldn't be half the person I am. I read the books he gave me, learned the big words from him, and followed him around the house to talk to him. I would talk to him about everything, from the possibility of alien life forms to boys and kissing. He chaperoned my enrichment trips. He came to my field hockey games even though I wasn't very good and sometimes he had to see me get hurt. He came to my concerts even though I was worse at music. When he got kidney cancer the first time in 1999, his biggest concern was that I be able to finish college. I was blessed that I got to keep him for another 11 years and that he was able to walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding. (I waited for 30 years to marry a man who I thought was as wonderful as my father.)  He came to my graduations for kindergarten, eighth grade, high school, college, my masters program, law school, and to my bar swearing-in ceremony.  When I told him I was pregnant he cried with happiness and kissed my hand because he couldn't reach up to kiss me from the hospital gurney. At a foot taller than me, he has called me "Shorty" my entire life.

With me on Cape Cod in 2004

Occasionally, I explain to someone that my dad is actually my stepfather, but I never once heard him call me his stepdaughter, and not once did he ever make me feel like anything other than his child completely. When I look around I see that not only do I have a wonderful father, but I have a better father than almost everyone else. The expression, "you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family," doesn't apply to us. We chose each other to be family. I love my dad.

3 Months Pregnant 2010

Our baby at 11 weeks- he or she is awesome

With baby Eleanor

9 Weeks, September 12, 2010
The week began with Rachel's 30th birthday surprise. I got to hold Eleanor finally, and she was so quiet and wonderful. It was such a shame not to be able to share the news with Rachel, Janice, and Christina in person.

Becky and Brandon had baby Connor 14 weeks early this week.

Later in the week, My dad was in aggressive rehab when his leg pain increased. Mom had to bring him back to the hospital and the doctors decided to perform another leg embolization because the leg tumor had grown again. The first embolization was done with wires and this second one was done with alcohol at a different hospital in Teaneck that specialized in it. They used a dye that would affect his kidney the following week.

Milestones: Our baby book says the baby is starting to grow muscles to move his arms and legs on purpose.
Craving: Fish Vitamin C in any form, though orange juice and grape fruit juice make me queasy
Anti-craving: I guess the baby hates red meat forever
Symptoms: nausea, sciatic nerve pain
Baby-size: Grape
Weight gain: 2 pounds

10 Weeks, September 19, 2010
The weekend was really tough as my dad's kidney failed, and I gave up on trying to keep my stress down. I took sometime off work and joined my parents at the hospital. Kevin and I had been waiting until after next week's appointment to tell our mothers, but the circumstances were scary enough that I thought it would be best to tell my mother on Monday night so that she could discuss the news with dad. Dad started his dialysis on Monday, and afterward he felt a little better than he had during the weekend, and mom was in okay spirits. Mom started crying and hugging Kevin and didn't let go, until I insisted on my turn for a hug. Dad pretended to be surprised, but I busted him. Unfair since I’m the one who asked him to keep it a secret in the first place. I showed mom the sonogram picture, but dad was interrupted by a follow-up ct-scan, so I showed him the following day after his second dialysis treatment. His kidney started working again on its own by the end of the week.

Milestones:  Our baby book says the baby is starting to grow bones and cartilage.  The baby can bend its elbows. The kidneys are now producing urine. If the baby is a boy, he's producing testerone.
Craving: Peanut butter, cranberry juice, granola (I saw a picture in a magazine of granola and became obsessed), Honey nut cheerios, tea
Anti-craving: Meat is back in, coffee is still out.
Symptoms: Sleepiness
Baby-size: Kumquat
Weight gain: 3 pounds

11 Weeks, September 26, 2010
Our week started with our ultrascreen appointment, which was awesome. We got sonogram photos and even a video of the sonogram.

And active!

Then around the 29th I got sick with a cold or flu. It would last for weeks! Sniffling, coughing, achiness. Dad was moved to a less aggressive rehab and then we were off to Cory and Robin's wedding.

Milestones: According to our baby book, the webbed fingers and toes have split into separate fingers and toes with nails starting to grow.  The nose has little nostrils.  If the baby is a girl, she's starting to develop ovaries.
Craving: Cherry-flavored anything and citrus, granola. Honey nut cheerios, tea
Anti-craving: Figs? Hm.
Symptoms: Round ligament pain
Baby-size: Fig
Weight gain: 4 pounds

12 Weeks, October 3-9, 2010
Baby is now the size of a lime, so Kevin tosses me a lime, and I say "this is huge, how would you not feel this kicking around?"  Kevin goes, "throw me back our baby."

I got a call from the doctor's office that everything was okay with the baby.  Since it was 12 weeks now, that meant we could start telling people, but we wanted to tell Kevin's mom before other people.  We arranged for her to come visit at the end of the week so that we could tell her in person.

I was getting sicker and sicker this week with my cold or flu.  Sniffling turned to coughing.  Dad started getting sick in rehab again so he went back to the hospital.    It took the doctors a few days to figure out what was wrong, and Kevin's mom met us at the hospital on Saturday.

I had to review documents at the hospital, but we took a break to take Kevin's mom to lunch and tell her the good news.  We gave her a card with a copy of the sonogram.  Just like my parents, she cried with happiness.

I felt bad having to leave my dad when he was having another minor surgery the next day, but I had to work the whole weekend.  In fact, I even missed most of Kathy's visit, though it was nice of her to have dinner waiting for me when I came home from work.

Milestones: All our parents and grandparents (the baby's great-grandparents!) know we're pregnant.  Our baby book says the baby's bone marrow is starting to produce white blood cells to fight off infection, and the pituitary gland is producing hormones.
Craving: Apples, granola
Anti-craving: Coffee
Symptoms: Round ligament pain, acid reflux  (coughing plus acid reflux means vomiting)
Baby-size: Lime
Weight gain: 4 pounds

2 Months Pregnant 2010

5 Weeks, August 15-21, 2010

Of course, morning sickness decided to strike on the delayed flight home from San Francisco. For the record, Kevin offered to give me his seat and be the one who stood, but I thought it would be quicker if I was the one without a seat. While I was standing around waiting for the flight attendant to give me a seat on the plane, she kept commenting on my bad-attitude face. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "What's wrong?"

Oh-let-me-see. I am on hour 24 of my travel home, I barely slept last night because my shuttle to my scary hotel was mislabeled, and now I get on the flight to discover my seat is missing. Probably for all these reasons, today is the day that my morning sickness has kicked in and all I want to do is bend over at the waist, or – I don't know – take my seat on the plane. Instead of getting me a seat you want me to stand in the back of the plane and smile.

"Just nauseous."
"Pregnant?"

And that is how I got her to rip the seat cushion off someone else's seat and give to me. Score!

Nonetheless, I had to throw up in the plane bathroom later. I didn't really mind, as it was a sign that I was really pregnant and I felt better immediately after. I lost my appetite but now I figured I had to eat frequently enough to avoid nausea.

When we got home, I took another pregnancy test just to be sure, and I made a doctor's appointment with the doctor Kevin selected for excellence in baby-delivering. Then we went back to the hospital with my dad for an embolization.   The sadness and stress of the situation with dad also made me throw up again.

Mostly I was really tired the rest of the week, unfortunately, I couldn't tell Jaime when she visited and wanted to walk all over creation.  Also, this is really random, but I was no longer able to sit for stretches at a time without my bum being sore. This symptom makes no sense. I was a champion sitter before pregnancy! I am guessing it's another bad consequence of all my muscles being relaxed. The preggo blogs call it sciatic nerve pain, but sometimes the sites say it's not actually that unless it's severe.

Milestones: First morning sickness. According to our baby book, baby's heart is forming and starting to beat.
Craving: Lots of water, Annie's organic mac and cheese, and eel
Anti-craving: Coffee
Symptoms: Nausea!, very tired, sciatic nerve pain
Baby-size: Sesame seed (I was a week off before on size, so sesame seed again this week)
Weight gain: 1 pound

6-7 Weeks, End of August 2010

Flowers for being Pregnant 2010

6 Weeks, August 22, 2010
This week was truly awful. Chrissy's mom passed away from cancer, which made for another very sad week. I felt personally sad about Maureen missing from the world, I felt awful for Chrissy, and I felt awful about telling my parents who knew and liked Maureen and were also fighting cancer. I cried a lot again this week.

Due to my dad's brain radiosurgery, he was on antiseizure medication. But the doctor's made a mistake on his prescription and he had a seizure on Thursday, and he again lost his ability to speak or walk. The doctors advised us to up his antiseizure medication and wait for him to improve again. With my dad in this state, I went to Maureen's funeral on Friday. Heart-breakingly sad. I had to leave after the funeral to help my dad who had not improved after his seizure yet.

On Saturday, Kevin and I went to Patrick and Aubree's wedding, which was lovely. I had trouble eating the yummy wedding dinner and could not dance much because of Baby Clou, so I spent the time chatting and taking pictures. Mom called during the end of the wedding reception and told me that dad was getting worse, so I encouraged her to call an ambulance to bring him to the hospital. Kevin and I left the reception so we could get up early and go back to New Jersey.

Milestones: According to our baby book, the baby's organs (kidneys, liver, lungs, eyes, and ear canals) are forming.
Craving: Cereal, Red fruit, Strawberries (which I never especially liked before), cranberry, raspberry, red grapes, etc. I tried looking this up, and I think I must have been after flavinoids
Anti-craving: Anything fried, fatty, or red meat.
Symptoms: Very thirsty, very hungry (waking up at 4 am hungry), nauseous
Baby-size: Lentil bean
Weight gain: 1 pound

7 Weeks, August 29, 2010
We visited Dad in the hospital on Sunday, while the doctors tested him and decided what to do. Despite his brain radiosurgery, the doctors determined that he needed a regular invasive brain surgery to deal with the swelling around his brain tumor more quickly. The doctors said that if he remained without his ability to walk or talk for too long he might not be able to regain his abilities so it was important to take action now.

He was scheduled for traditional brain surgery on Wednesday. We followed dad all the way to just outside the operating room, and when mom stepped out right before dad went in, I told dad I was pregnant. He couldn't speak but reacted very emotionally and sweetly and seemed happy. I didn't expect him to have such a big reaction though and then I felt bad about getting him worked up before he went into the surgery. It was a very long day of sitting in the waiting room. When he came out, he felt awful, and he didn't show any signs of knowing, so I wasn't sure if he remembered.

Milestones: Telling dad about the baby.  According to our baby book, the baby is growing brain cells, a mouth, tongue, arm and leg buds.
Craving: fruit juice
Anti-craving: red meat, coffee
Symptoms: Nausea
Baby-size: Blueberry
Weight gain: 1 pound

8 Weeks, September 5-11, 2010
We had our first doctor's appointment and the doctor did a sonogram! Once he told us, I was so excited about baby's first picture! But what I wasn't expecting was that I would see a little leg kicking and arm punching out. I didn't expect that the baby already had some sort of volition. I instantly fell in love.  And so much cuteness in 2.45 cm from head to rump. But clearly I was already extremely biased. Kevin was equally excited to hear the heartbeat.

First picture at 8 weeks and 3 days, September 8, 2010

Mom called while I was at the doctor, so I pretty much assumed she was on to me by now. But I asked the doctor and he said in no uncertain terms not to tell my family until Week 12. Sorry, mom.  Dad moved to rehab after the brain surgery and started speaking again little by little.  But things were still extremely tough.  Ash and Janice visited that weekend to cheer me up, and I really wanted to tell them too, but I kept quiet even as I had to subtly ignore the wine they kept pouring for me.

Milestones: First sonogram! Baby kicking and punching spontaneously.
Craving: Fish, cottage cheese, and fake fruit candy
Anti-craving: red meat (though pork doesn't seem gross anymore this week), coffee
Symptoms: nausea
Baby-size: Kidney bean/ raspberry
Weight gain: 2 pounds

Things My Wife Complains About: #15 Pregnancy

For someone who complains about how heavy her coffee is, my wife doesn't complain that much about being pregnant. On the whole, she enjoys carrying my powerful unborn child. I believe Baby Clou is a good influence on her.

Still, my wife does occasionally complain about the way certain food tastes. She thinks the Panda Puffs cereal she's been eating for 1,354 consecutive days tastes like Thai food, and while she likes Thai food, she doesn't like it for breakfast. Good thing she's not Thai, or she'd only eat two meals a day, which would be down from the four meals she currently eats. She invented a second breakfast. Take that, Taco Bell Fourth Meal.

Much of my wife's complaining centers on eating, which isn't new; it's just much more violent. It's also considerably more challenging, as my wife's tastes change on an hourly basis. Here is an incomplete list of things she's craved in the first trimester:

Vinegar
Milk
Condor Egg
Red Fruits (e.g. Cherry)
Peanut Butter
Salt
A Single Plum Floating in Perfume Served in a Man's Hat
Granola
Scotch

Just kidding. She's been craving rum. Lots of rum. On French toast.

Mostly, my wife complains about my inability to carry my powerful unborn child. She likes to poke me in all the places she feels extreme discomfort. I get poked in the abdomen every day. It brings us closer together. That's another thing my wife complains about: physical contact. The weight of my arm hairs is oppressive. She complains in equal measure about the absence of physical contact.

There are no possible solutions. But the good news is that all my friends with children have assured me that pregnant woman become increasingly rational, fair, and kind throughout their pregnancy and into the subsequent decades of child rearing. So that's a relief.

"A Single Plum Floating in Perfume" from The Simpsons

If there's anything I can do...

Absolutely all of my family and friends have sincerely offered their help.  Most of the time I can't think of anything they can do to help, but by virtue of having had offers from everyone, every time I do need someone, I have a full mental Rolodex of people to turn to. I have had family and friends give medical advice, legal advice, rehab facility advice, send food, and one time when I thought I would actually need physical help, I felt like I knew who to turn to (even though I ended up not needing it).  All of this is to say thank you.  Even if I haven't yet called upon you to help with something, your offer is of immense value.  And if I have asked you for something, it means the world to me, no matter how small it seems to you. Love you.

Moving dad to rehab tomorrow.

Our 1st Wedding Anniversary 2010!

Our first wedding anniversary is today, and we have a few things we're excited about doing. First of all we are super excited to open the wine bottle we used as a guest book and read all the messages people wrote us at our wedding that we promised to save for today. We are substantially less excited about eating some year-old wedding cake, but we're going to do that too.

Mainly, we celebrated our anniversary last weekend because it was a long weekend. We went to Niagara Falls because I had wanted to go there for years. Niagara Falls are the most powerful falls in North America and the two waterfalls that make up Niagara, the American Falls and the Horseshoe Falls, are also incredibly beautiful. The Canadian side is much better than the American side. The view of the falls is better and all of the tourist attractions (though still very cheesy) are less cheesy. Surprisingly fun: taking the Maid of the Mist boat closer to the falls. Totally worth it must-do. You get soaked in the Watershoe Falls.

We had a romantic dinner, and my super sweet husband gave me a wonderful card and Tiffany hoop earrings.

In front of the American Falls (standing on the Canadian side)

The misty Horseshoe Falls with rainbow

On the Maid of the Mist! (In front of the Horseshoe Falls.)

We also checked out a beautiful neighboring town Niagara-on-the-Lake where the Niagara River meets Lake Ontario. It is located across the Niagara river from Youngstown, New York. We went primaily to eat at Oban Inn Restaurant which had excellent reviews. It did not disappoint. From there we walked over to Lake Ontario, and then drove to the main shopping area on Queens Street.

Lake Ontario with a view of Old Fort Niagara in the Youngstown, NY

Queens Street

George Bernard Shaw, they LOVE him here.

On the way back from Canada we stopped in Buffalo for, what else, Buffalo Wings, so named for their place of origin. We went to Gabriel's Gate, which some people say are the best wings in Buffalo. It was delicious. I am not a lover of spicy food, so we got the medium, but they were so delicious that next time I will be brave and try the hot.

Buffalo Wing happiness

Nom nom nom

On the way back we cruised around Scranton, PA, home of the fictional The Office characters and Donald's grandparents. It's a pretty cool little city.

Scranton, The Electric City!

We will have updates on the Message in a Bottle guestbook soon. I predict a lot of randomness worth blogging about.

My Parents' 25th Anniversary 2010

On Friday we took my parents out to dinner at Sushiden to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. Congratulations!

My parents on Friday

My parents' wedding in 1985

First Married Christmas in NJ 2009

We had a nice first-married Christmas Eve with my parents in New Jersey. Dinner was Cuban-style Noche Buena with pork, delicious black beans and rice, and yucca (by special request). Dessert was flan and toron. Really fantastic.

 

Me and Kevin on Christmas Eve

My cute parents

We also had a bit of a photo shoot. My mother just about lost it when Kevin was photographing and he requested that we act "ferocious" instead of the old Tyra Banks stand-by "fierce."

We are ferocious!

Christmas day itself we stayed home and had Chinese food for dinner in tribute to what Kevin's family was eating on the Cape. This time, I graciously let Kevin eat his fortune cookie, despite his accusations on Things My Wife Complains About.

First Married Thanksgiving in MA 2009

We had a lovely first-married Thanksgiving on the Cape. We went to visit Kevin's mother and her family. His mom even made my favorite dish of sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top. Kevin's cousin Katie doesn't usually make it for Thanksgiving so we missed her this year.

I'm used to spending holidays on the Cape. Besides spending the last two Christmases with Kevin's family, my dad's family has been spending Thanksgiving on the Cape for many years. This year we got to have two Thanksgiving dinners, one with the Rogers, and one with the Shutes!
I was completely spoiled this weekend with loads of old family pictures from Kevin's mother and grandmother. Kevin also drove me around to get my hair cut (I cut it all off!) and nails done, and Christmas Tree Shop-shopping. I am one well-rested happy wife.

With Kevin's mom

Kevin's grandparents have been married for 59 years!

Nesie, Steve, Gramps, Dickie, Chris (not pictured Mary)

One of the best parts of seeing the Shutes is watching my cousin Griffin grow up. I hate it when I don't see children for many years and they hardly remember who I am. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with my brother when he was growing up, and if I had to do over again, I would go out of my way to see him more. I missed seeing my other cousins Graham and Rachel grow up as well. Now I worry about the same thing with my friend's babies.

With my parents

Cooking dinner together


The yearly burning of the sweet potatoes and marshmallows

Good times!

Romantic Signs

Tom Shovelton has put a fresh rose at his wife's bed every day for the 60 years they've been married. This makes me think of how Kevin brings me a glass of water every night so I don't wake up and complain I'm thirsty. Sometimes we forget to take away a glass before adding a new one and pretty soon his sweet gesture looks like that awesome scene in the movie Signs. I'm a lucky woman.

Our First Date 2006

Kevin at Michael's Bistro in Cville (2006)

Happy anniversary! I know we're married now, so the old dating anniversary should no longer count, but I think it should this year, since otherwise there is no anniversary this year.

These pictures show how we looked in summer of 2006 when we met. I got a bit overdressed to get coffee at Mudhouse and Sarah, my unfailingly kind law school friend, drove me there. That's why when Kevin and I got married, I had Sarah give me the ring. Without her, how could it have happened?

Ericka at Busch Gardens (2006)

It was Sunday, so Kevin was sitting outside reading the New York Times. The first thing I noticed about him was his bushy hair and that he was cute. Being overdressed payed off perhaps because Kevin got me a cappuccino while he sipped a green tea. While he tried to impress me with his two-book contract and personal Dave Barry connection (I love Dave Barry), I somehow managed not to frighten him off with my denial of the existence happiness.

Maybe he thought some ice cream would make me happier? After Mudhouse, he suggested we walk over to Chaps for dessert. I was charmed. He drove me home to Ivy Gardens and asked if I'd be interested in another date. I said, "definitely."

First Email 2006

July 24, 2006 was a Monday. After two weeks of feeling kind of bummed out, I woke up feeling really good. My law school friends and I were wrapping up our summer jobs and discussing interviewing at UVA the week before we returned to classes in the fall. I had no idea where I might end up. I planned a trip with friends to Busch Gardens for that Friday. Ash got the job she wanted at GE, and my Irish friend Laura became an American citizen. It was a good Monday.

The previous Saturday I had gone out on a date with an interesting nice guy. He emailed me that morning to ask for a second date. I wrote to Aubree, "I went on one date, and the guy was not for me. But he was nice. Maybe I'll make a friend?" In response to a similar email to Ash, she wrote me, "We all want to love the good guys who love us to death. But, you can't force who you love (or are in love with, I should say)." Later that afternoon she wrote again, "… when the right thing comes along, neither person will screw it up…." I wrote the guy a thanks-but-no-thanks email.

But Kevin and I were having difficulty meeting. On October 6, 2005, I was at the same Rolling Stones Concert as Kevin, his uncle George, and cousin Mike. We even had a friend in common, Jinsoo, who had gone to undergrad with Kevin and law school with me.

Excuse me, have you seen my future husband?

I was sitting on Sarah's couch, when I got this email in response to my comments that I am persecuted by mosquitoes and that I write haikus when I am sad:

Date: 07/24/2006 11:20 pm
Subject: hi

Message: i endorse the bug spray/cologne my roommate brought back from turkey, which "can be used as a disinfectant for insect bites" and also "has pleasant scent and a cooling and calming effect."

have you read robert hass? he's a brilliant poet who translated some sad haiku. here's one that's like a two-hundred-year-old protest against bug spray:

don't kill that fly!
look it's wringing its hands
wringing its feet

best,
kevin