Friday, April 29, 2011

Diary of an Angry Pink Baby #1: First Doctor's Visit

Mom wanted James to look GOOD for his first pediatrician's appointment, so he wouldn't be discriminated on the basis of his skin color (pink). He was wearing fancy baby clothes, including pants, a fashion infant body suit, and a hat that was half the length of his body. Occasionally, he would place the hat in his mouth, where he would consider throwing up on it.

James was well-behaved, if vaguely surly, until we disrobed him completely, which he despises. (Is James a never nude???) He screamed for a while and shook his head in the manner of those machines that shake paint cans, which is normal for him. Then, as he started to cool down, he began to urinate. Here is a short list of the things my talented son was able to hit:

My work shirt
The (previously) disinfected examination table
His head

What followed was ninety seconds of a bad network sitcom, as one parent wiped pee off a screaming baby's head, while the other parent looked down the hallway to make sure the doctor wasn't coming. My feeling is this: if your baby has a little spit on his shirt, nobody cares. If your baby is crying, people expect as much. But if your baby has urine dripping down his head, you might be those parents.

Fortunately for all, we avoided that status for one week.

Going Home Day 2011
James refusing to take off his diaper?

Tobias is a Nevernude
Compare to Tobias on Arrested Development

6 comments:

Robin said...

Thankfully Huggies is there for your never nude baby: http://apps.startribune.com/blogs/user_images/kkrhin_1274364034_huggies_jean_diapers_1.jpg

eralon said...

Oh my gosh, those denim diapers are hilarious and perfect!

Jackie said...

That's okay, when I took my niece to her first pediatrician's visit and she felt that first woosh of air on skin, she also cried/shook/peed. Of course, she wasn't nearly as talented in trajectory as James, but I suspect that's because her anatomy is different ;)

Rachel said...

We once almost called the pediatrician in the middle of the night because Tim was convinced Isaac was sweating profusely. His head was sopping wet, but the swing he had been in was perfectly dry. Turns out observant dad didn't notice Isaac had peed all over his head while he was changing him.

eralon said...

So funny! Chrissy tried to warn us, but I didn't realize it was such an unstoppable force.

Cory said...

Baby James, you are such a blow hard!

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