Here we are again. Just as what happened with Dad, mom is no longer able to talk or live, but we must still wait for death. All I can do for her is make sure she gets adequate pain medication, watching her for signs of pain, and advocating for her with nurses and doctors. At night, her boyfriend Bob and I take turns sleeping in her room. We never leave her alone, but this is a very painful and lonely time for all of us. Just like with Dad, I don't want to write about her in past tense, but I do want to write about her, so I'll do it in this strange in-between time.
Back when mom had me there were no sonograms but she claims she knew she was having a girl and bought only baby girl clothes. If she said so, it had to be so. Back then, fathers waited outside the delivery room so she is the first person I ever met, and the person I've known the longest.
Getting to know each other
So who is she? She is beautiful. She has always been beautiful, but like a fairy princess with a strange curse, with each year she has grown lovelier.
1972, with her parents ar her quinceañera
1985, her wedding to my dad (age 28)
For many people, one of the greatest revelations of her character happened when my dad was dying of cancer. She was at my dad's side every day, all day, throughout his illness. She advocated for him and slept on a cot by his side in the hospital for a week. I was surprised that some people were surprised. She has always been a good person to go to in need or illness. A rainy weather friend or a dancing friend. She has always been an advocate, and she has never been afraid to be disliked in her advocacy. Now that she is dying, I am standing in her shoes as a caregiver, and they are expensive high heels that I find difficult to walk in.
And that goes for double for love. After a love like my dad, most people wouldn't realize that there was still more love in the world for them. But she has always believed that everyone deserves a true deep love. More to the point, she believes, and so do I, that kind of love is attainable for everyone. Not all love is the same, but as she said- it's what most of this trip is about. She started dating Bob in February 2012.
Bob and Mom, June 2012
Wild girl with Bob, June 2013
Meeting Miranda, 2014
Mom and Bob at a wedding, 2015
Weekend lunch dates with Bob, 2016
Her other loves- James:
Onel and Tania
Fancy Tea with Yayas
Cousins Moises and Magaly
Work friends from Alice & Olivia
Diner with Sandy and Yvonne
Her oncology nurses
Sylvia, mom, Arelys, Yohana
Jen, Ampy, mom, and me
I love my mother and will miss her. I also think the world will miss her love and style, more than they know.
Hollywood style, even in the middle of cancer treatments