Saturday, October 10, 2009

Things My Wife Complains About: #8 Loving Fake Football Players More Than Her

Newcomb Hollow Beach 2007
Most men aren't happy that the word "fantasy" now refers almost exclusively to men hurling themselves into other men, but that's the world we willingly created. I've chosen to embrace this world by creating a fantasy team so formidable it has yet to lose. My friends from college and I spend a not insignificant amount of time each week tinkering with our teams, proposing trades to each other, vetoing trades to each other, and writing newsletters about our teams' performances. So when I'm submitting an article to said newsletter late on a Monday night instead of, say, going to bed with my wife, she complains that I love my fake football players more than I love her. She couldn't be more wrong. The players aren't fake, just the entire world we've built around these them. Big, sad difference.

Possible Solutions!

1) Convince my wife to accept my vice as innocuous, social, and even educational, at least until I drive down to Delaware to place several teaser bets on teams my players are on in critical Week 15 match-ups.
2) Create a fantasy league for my wife based on "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" with points granted for tantrums, Kate emasculating her husband, children mugging for the camera, and Jon defending his dalliances with twenty-something women by claiming he's doing it for his children.
3) Watch a movie or something instead (hard).


Robin said...

No need to create, they already exist:

Celebrity fantasy league

Realty Show fantasy leagues

eralon said...

I think I need one that's more Jon and Kate-centric.

Cory said...


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