Things My Wife Complains About: #10 Eating Fortune Cookies

After purchasing a tree, dragging the stand out of the closet, putting the tree up, watering the tree, and stringing the lights, my wife complained that the lights were not distributed evenly enough around the tree. That might be post worthy, but something happened immediately after the conversation that was even more post worthy, which was my wife giving me a fortune cookie that I opened to discover the following message:

"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness."

Flush with the thrill of serendipity, I triumphantly held the slip of white paper before my wife, who willfully ignored the ancient wisdom of mass-produced fortune, complaining instead that I had eaten the cookie, which she felt entitled to eat, even though she had just eaten her own fortune cookie, message unknown.

Possible Solutions!

1) Don't eat anything before offering it first to wife.
2) Convert to Judiasm and purchase electric menorah.
3) Cancel Christmas and/or Chinese food (hard).