Thursday, June 16, 2011

Diary of an Angry Pink Baby #2: Drinking Problem 2011

James is growing so fast. He went from a giant baby to a somewhat longer giant baby. After having him remeasured, one of his doctors worried if James was eating too much. She was only being polite, though. What she meant is that James is DRINKING too much.

There are at least twenty reasons why I'm worried James has a drinking problem:

1) Drinks until he can't keep all of the liquid in his mouth.
2) Passes out while drinking
3) Urinates himself
4) Unhappy when not drinking
5) Rapturously happy while drinking
6) Happy, chatty, even flirty immediately after drinking
7) Sullen and distant when effects of drink wear off
8) Moody to the point where there are "two Jameses": the lovable coquette and screaming madman
9) Stares at women's chests
10) Licks women's blouses
11) Irish
12) Throws up on himself
13) Throws up on the people closest to him
14) Throws up on strangers
15) Never apologizes for his behavior
16) Acts, in the morning, like nothing happened
17) Has few interests beyond drinking
18) Averages eight bottles a day
19) Sleeps through much of the day
20) Rarely bothers to put on pants

Unfortunately, James shows no sign of letting up! You can't talk to him about it because he doesn't understand language. We're going to have to wait, at least, until he understands what his hands are. But I worry those hands will only be facilitators.

James at 17 Days 2011


Jon said...

James could do a lot of things if he just had some money...

Cory said...

Get that man to college, where all his behavior will be acceptable!

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