Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Things My Wife Complains About: #5 Trying to Win Competitions
Here's what I like to do in a Go Kart: hang back until I get to a wide turn; jam my cart into the nose of the next cart, pushing it into the wall until it spins around and ideally begins smoking; win.
Here's what my wife likes to do in a Go Kart: take pictures; lose.
My wife also intimated that I came in first not because I enjoy winning but because I would rather spend time with the girls at the front of the race. Go Kart tracks are up there with art galleries and martini bars for the best places to score hot chicks.
Me: "That seat belt looks great on you."
Hot Chick: "Thank you. I can see that your advanced driving is suggestive of sexual performance."
1) Cease to find pleasure in winning, committing myself to a life of mediocrity.
2) Drive backward to assure I can't win.
3) Bribe other drivers, including children who constitute most Go Kart drivers, to drive slowly and poorly, so wife can win (hard).