I told her to find a place that sells the cupcakes she wanted, and the next day I went to that place. The cupcake she selected was 975 calories and cost $4.50. I used to buy pitchers of beer for less than that in graduate school. Probably, some of you are old enough to have purchased homes for that price.
The cupcake was a complaint-fest from the beginning: It was too big, too sugary, too cake-y (?). Then, when she attempted to consume the cupcake, a series of unfortunate events occurred wherein she was wearing most of the cupcake, and milk was everywhere. This, obviously, was my fault.
I didn't leap to her rescue fast enough. I focused on cleaning the couch, not helping her, and I hadn't even bothered to wipe chocolate off the milk cup. What, she asked earnestly, had I been doing? I had been reassessing the place of the cupcake in my life. It was a soul-searching moment.
1) Replace cupcakes with literally any other food item
2) Admit that I forced her to spill the cupcake and, in fact, secretly relished the experience
3) Question a pregnant woman's cravings (hard)
Crumb's Thin Mint Cupcake