Friday, December 27, 2013

Things My Brother Complains About #1: Being Whipped by a Mostly-Naked Man

I decided for Andrew's Christmas present this year that I would do something different but mostly very scary.

I knew we'd built a trust level where I could hand him to stranger who asked Andrew to surrender his belongings and enter a room full of naked men. We had, after all, just visited Key West for his thirtieth birthday. After seeing a lot of hairy behinds, we descended to a subterranean sauna where a mostly-naked man interrupted the wringing of towels to escort Andrew personally into a hot dark room. Are you dying of jealousy yet?

Inside, the man asked Andrew to lie on his stomach before placing a wet towel over his head. The man proceeded to hurl several buckets of cold water over Andrew's body between lacerations from a whip of oiled oak leaves. I'd paid in advance for this old-world relaxation. The man then insisted Andrew soak in a forty-five degree pool. I'm not sure of the exact medicine, but I believe the idea is to simulate a heart attack, so as to cause a heart attack or prevent one or something. It's called pampering.

Afterward, we enjoyed various light Siberian delicacies with friends and freshly-squeezed juice. Merry Christmas!

Brothers enjoying Christmas morning

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