21 Weeks, December 5-11, 2010

People keep asking me how many months I am, which constantly makes me pause to consider because I've only been thinking in terms of how many weeks I am along.  Since pregnancy is about 40 weeks long, that means you might eventually hit 10 months, so the month system seems confusing in terms of time remaining.  In any case, simple math indicates I should be answering 5 months.  I'm clearly showing but I have the "awkward bump" where you can still see my waist fighting back in the middle of the bump.

Square bump, 21 weeks and 6 days (dress was shorter than it appears)

The baby's kicks are higher up in my stomach area, making me wonder where exactly my stomach is in relation to the baby.  Knowing that baby will kick and punch every day is a nice comfort that everything is okay. So much so that my doctor's appointment at the beginning of the week seemed like a complete waste of time, though they did give me the syrup to drink for my 27-week glucose test.  Luckily it's not as much liquid as I was worried it might be.  I haven't had a single soda the whole time I've been pregnant so I was annoyed at the idea of guzzling some big corn syrup concoction. Also, I got bored of What to Expect When You're Expecting, so I started reading What to Expect the First Year.

My good friend from law school Audra publicly announced that she and her husband Rob are expecting a baby as well! I'm so happy for them! I just wish she lived closer so the babies could know each other.  Though she didn't know it yet, it turns out we were both pregnant at the Sarah and Rob's Wedding!   Particularly funny since I urged her to get pregnant at the wedding. Way to follow instruction, Baby!

Both pregnant, October 15th

As far as mourning my dad, this week was much worse.  I feel like it has been for my mother as well.  I talked a little to my friend Chrissy who recently went through the same thing. People who haven't been through it, really don't seem to understand so it's hard to talk to them yet. They can extrapolate that it's awful, but for example they don't understand how distant the feeling is to losing grandparent.  I imagine it's quite different than losing a parent when you're much older as well, but I don't know if that's true.

One of the things that perpetually bothers me is that I wish I'd been a better daughter.  I would probably wish that no matter what I had done, but it's hard to cope with thinking of specific things I could have done better or more.  Even when it's things dad wouldn't necessarily have cared about, it's difficult to explain, but I still wish I'd been a better daughter for my own sake. For example, having visited more before we knew dad was sick  would have been a gift to me, even if  at the time I might have thought I was doing it for my parents.  Anyway, this week was hard hard hard.

Kevin tried to cheer me up with dinner and the Harry Potter movie on Friday, and then yesterday we went to his office Christmas party.  The one day at a time thing seems to work pretty well, but I'm remiss to make future plans.  I looked forward to this time in my life for a long time, and now that it isn't turning out the way I'd hope, I'm afraid to look forward to things at all.

Milestones: Based on baby's estimated weight last week, he's probably a full pound this week. Woo! Babycenter says the baby has eyebrows now.  Our baby book says his arms and legs are in proportion now.
Craving: Apple juice, apples, protein
Anti-craving: I still crave grape juice but it gives me acid reflux so I'm afraid of it.
Symptoms:  Evil acid reflux, my nose is so stuffy I can only breath through my mouth, headaches, sleep is pretty difficult now, my left knee still hurts- my new theory is that it's from not aligning the pregnancy pillow correctly.
Baby-size: Carrot
Weight gain: Oh no, 16.5!