Conversely, if I apologized for getting blood on the floor before admitting that I'd committed a quadruple homicide, she would say it's okay and tend to my wounds before placing dishtowels on the widening pool around my shoes.
I came to believe that eschewing defensiveness at all costs and agreeing with my wife no matter what was an assured path to marital success, but this belief was mistaken, as evidenced by the transcript from the other night:
Wife: I'm grumpy.
Me: I know.
Wife (incredulous): Why would you say that?
Me: I know you're grumpy. You're allowed to be grumpy. It's okay.
Wife (storming out of room): And I was going to apologize!
In lieu of possible solutions, I came up with an alternative dialogue:
Wife: I'm grumpy.
Me: I hadn't noticed.
Me: I hadn't noticed.
Wife (curious): So you admit that I'm grumpy.
Me: Did I say that?
Wife (storming out of room): Why can't you ever admit to doing anything wrong?
Wait! Let's try that again:
Wife: I'm grumpy.
Me (too terrified to speak):
Wife (incredulous): Are you ignoring me?
Me: No! It's just that--
Wife (storming out of room): Do you have to be defensive about everything?
That was worse. OK, last try:
Wife: I'm grumpy.
Me: Can you believe the AAP has a new vaccine schedule?
Wife (excited): The craziest thing is pertussis. Did I tell you my whooping cough story?
Me: Several hundred times. But I would love to hear it again.
Wife (sitting): I went to the doctor, like, three times and...
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
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