Friday, March 11, 2011

Things My Wife Complains About #18: Dropping Things

The first trimester was exciting, the second trimester was mostly pleasant, and the third trimester is scary and uncomfortable. A major problem is that my wife always drops things (she's less coordinated now) and has no way of picking them up (she is the shape of a cartoon snake in the middle of digesting a small mammal). Rather than do something helpful like pick things up for her, I instead started an "Oh No Diary," named for the sound she makes every time something relatively minor goes wrong (spoken like Minnie Mouse finding out Donald Duck is coming over for dinner and, despite her repeated requests, duckin' it). Here are a few diary entries, starting with the drops:

Dropped tissue beneath couch
Dropped photograph on floor
Broke nail
Moved pillow
Found clothes on top of dry cleaning bag
Got butter on toaster

Then to chronicle this special time in our lives, I started augmenting the "Oh No Diary" with choice third trimester quotes, such as the following:

"Skittles.com sucks."
"Can you get a napkin fast before the syrup goes down my shirt!"
"WHY DID YOU TAKE THE REMOTE CONTROL FROM ME?"

Note: The answer to the former was "no" and the latter "because you asked me to change the channel."

Possible Solutions!

1) Never get more than six inches off the ground, so as to keep everything within reach
2) Live in an MC Escher print where gravity will eventually send whatever you dropped back down to you
3) Deliver baby (hard)

34 Weeks +3 Days 2011
34 Weeks + 3 Days

4 comments:

SERASARAH said...

there is no way you are that big. i call hijinks! i know all about your photoshop skillz.

eralon said...

Well the dress hangs because it's not a maternity dress, but I assure you, I am going to be as wide as I am tall soon.

Becky said...

Black, aka the slimming color, is no good for those of us who want to see full baby-bumpage. More colorful shirts, please!

eralon said...

Trust me, nothing is slimming. Haha.

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