Monday, May 23, 2011

Marking Time- Six Months Later 2011

Saturday was 6 months since losing Dad. I think of him every day, and not just because the baby is named after him.  Sometimes I'm at the sink washing something in hot water and I think about him telling me to wash dishes in the hottest water I can bear. Or sometimes I'm feeding the baby at night, and because there's nothing to do but let my mind wander, I cry.  I think about what it means to be a father, and how wonderfully Kevin lives up to be the kind of father I want for our son. I think about how often I thought about Dad when he was alive, and what it means that he's ever more present in my thoughts now. Does it make sense to be sad for myself if he's more present to me now? Or am I sad for him and what he'll miss? I think about the other people who love him and miss him, and the people who aren't lucky enough to miss him. I wonder how I'll be able to give our son even a little piece of who his grandfather was.  And I'm sorry if this is bad news for those with a recent loss, but time doesn't seem to make it "better." Time just makes it different. 

Cape Cod 1991
Dad playing with his nephew Graham, 1991

Thanksgiving 2003
Dad playing with his nephew Griffin, 2003

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