I did something else bad. I filled the glass I leave on my wife's bedside table each night too high, and she "spilled water everywhere." It was something that could have been prevented had I measured better. Fortunately, now that I'm in jail, my tyranny of water pouring is finished. I can only assume every glass of water is poured perfectly, and her sleep--her whole day--is better for it. It's worth noting, perhaps, that my wife admits to "never drinking water." As such, water glasses function only as things to be spilled. I thought I understood what pillows and glasses were for until I got married.
1) Stay in husband jail indefinitely
2) Break out of husband jail and fill bedroom with decorative pillows and perfectly-poured glasses of water to show I get it
3) Don't sleep on decorative pillows or pour so much water (hard)
Using the decorative pillows