Our 6th Wedding Anniversary 2015

We gambled our anniversary date on a horse. In 2011, we went to the Belmont Stakes with our friends. The best part was that we could just walk over from our house in about 20 minutes. I tried to go again a few years ago when one of the horses won at the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, the first two legs of the Triple Crown. But when that horse scratched before Belmont, I lost motivation.

Still, I love horse races (Gold Cup and Foxfields being my most frequent horse races) and the fact that we live so close to Belmont, called me to the Belmont Stakes every year. Plus, it's a really big deal in our town. They have a town celebration in honor of it the day after every year. One main problem with going has been that it's always on the same weekend which is also our anniversary, my mother's birthday, and Great-Grandma Ruth's birthday so we never have a lot of motivation or a readily available babysitter.

A few things happened this year to motivate me. One is that the race fell exactly on our anniversary and we weren't sure what to do for anniversary anyway. We just went to a fancy night our for our 5th anniversary (6 months late) and a big trip isn't in our budget or time allowance right now. The second thing that happened was that American Pharoah won the first two races. It was at least theoretically possible that we could have a Triple Crown win on our anniversary. The third thing was that our kids had gotten used to a hired babysitter over the last 8 months. So we knew who to call so we could go to Belmont for a little while.

But Kevin was concerned. While we had a really good time in 2011, Kevin was less than impressed with the actual horse track facilities. He was worried that our anniversary wouldn't "be nice enough." I thought this was a little strange considering he loves dive bars. My counter-point: what if it's the Triple Crown? So off to the races we went.

In front of the ivy-covered windows of Belmont Park

While we were emotionally betting on American Pharoah to win, we did not actually bet on American Pharaoh to win because the payout would be pretty low. We'd have to bet a lot to gain anything if he won, and that would mean we'd lose a lot if he lost. So we bet on some less likely horses #6 (my pick because 6th anniversary yo!) and #8 (Kevin's pick). Then we did a trifecta bet that American pharoah would win, #6 would be second (my choice again), and #8 would be third. The trifecta bet had a least a chance of having a nice payout for our very little $10 bet.

In line to place our trifecta bet!

YAY!! TRIPLE CROWN!!

American Pharoah became the first triple crown winner in 37 years! Oh but the horses came in 5, 6, 7. Oh well. Still totally worth it. I will post a video of everyone running out of the stands cheering as soon as I get caught up on videos.

Also, I often post something about our actual marriage in my anniversary posts. This is my thought this year. Each spouse has the responsibility of being the best spouse they can be- not as the temptation drives many- to make the other person be the best spouse they can be. In other words, as a wife, my job is to be the best wife I can be, not to make Kevin be a better husband. He's a great husband any way, and yes, I can talk to him about whatever problem I have, but my main focus is to be more loving to him in the way that he would most appreciate me showing him love. For me, love is very "showy": words, kisses, hugs. For him, love is very action-based. I can love him best when I do things to support him at home, in his career, his mental state, etc. He is awesome at doing these things for me probably in part because he feels they're so important for him. So that's what I'm working on. I hope that my effort is itself a show of love on my way to actually achieving what he wants.

It's a girl!

Since I will be 35 when the baby is born, we had some early genetic testing at 11 weeks. Actually, I might have been inspired to get the testing when the doctor told me I could find out the baby's gender early. A week later, on Monday, October 14th, the genetic counselor called and told me the baby was healthy and that she was a girl!

Welcome to this crazy family, little girl!

I had a feeling the baby was a girl, but it was a less definite feeling than I had with James when I was pregnant with him and thought he was a boy. Although, my strong feeling with James didn't come until later, and then he was confirmed a boy at 20 weeks. We got to find out much earlier this time! Of course we are thrilled! James even asked for a "seester" over a "broder."

This is how we told my mom over Google video chat:

Video chatting with Nana

And then I whipped out one of my dresses from when I was a baby.

Casey's Accident 2013

On Friday morning I woke up to terrifying news. Jon told me he'd heard Casey had been in a car accident. It's been a very scary few weeks for our friends and it felt like another horrible thing was crashing down on us. Kevin was still sleeping when I heard so I tried to get as much information and contact Casey's wife Victoria before I woke him up to tell him anything. Since we couldn't really get any information, I waited until Kevin got up. I started with the most important part first. Casey was stable in the hospital and we were expecting him to recover.

Later we found out that he had been hit by a cab while he was riding his bicycle to the T on Thursday night. When he woke up he was in the ER at Mass General. When we first heard he was at Mass General we worried that he was there because he'd been sent there for serious injuries because it's one of the best hospitals in the area. It turned out that the accident had taken place near Mass General so they were able to rush him there easily. His wife Victoria and his two kids live some distance outside of Boston so it took some time for Victoria to get there and see exactly what was happening.

 

Casey and his family near their home in Massachusetts

Casey is home recovering with his family. He still has a ways to go. I hope he knows how very loved he is by all of his friends and family.

There is this terrible feeling when you find out that you have suddenly lost someone you care about, or that you might lose someone you care about. Not just the pain and the horror, but also the regret. You wish you had seen them more, told them more how much you cared, loved them even better than you did. Over the years that follow, I will endeavor to do those things. If we're lucky we won't have to be reminded of loss for many years to come.

Update: The Boston Police report says that the head coach of the Boston Bruins Claude Julien witnessed the accident, called for help, and stayed with Casey until the ambulance arrived. How amazing! Thank you for saving our friend, coach!

Pray for Owen 2013

I only blog about a small group of our close family and friends. As a shorthand, most them were the people we invited to our wedding. We love these people and their destinies are closely entwined with ours. Their happiness is our happiness, their sorrow is our sorrow, and I imagine that most of them feel the same way.

Two weeks ago, our friends Chrissy and Jason's little boy Owen was diagnosed with cancer. He'll be 3.5 this June, and the horror of our little friend having to deal with a serious disease, much less at this age is more than any of us know how to handle. We think of him constantly and literally hundreds of people are praying for him every day.

One of my favorite photos- Jason, Chrissy, and Owen at our home

Chrissy and Jason have been amazing parents since Owen was in the womb. Many of you know that in the last few years I've commented that I am impressed at what a good and patient mother Chrissy has grown up to be, and she knows I've been impressed because I've constantly asked her for advice since James was born. Once they learned Owen is sick, they began treatment immediately at one of the best children's hospitals in the country and Jason shaved his head in solidarity with his little boy. They are amazing, and Owen has the most incredible support. He's been improving steadily and I have all the hope in the world that the whole family will get through this well. But even so, it's so deeply unfair for anyone to have to go through this at all.

Meeting Owen at 3 months, March 2010

I want you guys to pray like crazy for Owen. To help you with that I want to tell you about how much I love him. Owen was the youngest person at my wedding because Chrissy was about 3 months pregnant with him then. I met him for the first time 3 months after he was born in March of 2010. You can see from the picture above that he is one gorgeous baby. I fell in love with those pouty Shiloh Pitt lips that he is still currently rocking. And I immediately started telling him inappropriate stories about his mother as a crazy 20-something. That's how we bonded.

The next time I saw Owen that July, Chrissy and I were both at the hospital because her mom and my dad were fighting cancer. He was the little light in all the darkness we were suffering. I talked to Chrissy about how I'd been hoping to get pregnant soon, but with my dad sick, I felt lost. I still remember Chrissy saying, "Thank God for Owen, I love babies." I was pregnant with James by the end of the month.

 

Gwen, Matthew, Chrissy, and Owen, December 2010

When I saw Owen again that Christmas, Chrissy's mom and my dad were gone, and the only thing that made that first Christmas even a little bearable was our other loved ones. Owen was just starting to try to pull up on furniture and kept trying to crawl away into trouble. I was pregnant with James, and Chrissy gleefully poked my tummy.

Although Chrissy and Jason came to meet James as soon as he was born, Owen and James met for the first time the following December. Owen was exactly two years old then, and full of energy. He ran up and down our halls with one of James's walking push-toys. James was just 8 months but he was inspired by Owen. After the visit, James started trying to walk.

Christmas 2011

When we went to visit Chrissy, Jason, and Owen last May in Cincinnati, Hailey was still cooking, so the boys got to spend more time together. Here's the two them poking each other during the photo like brothers. They  ate pizza together, played with Owen's toys, and watched a little How to Train Your Dragon together. Owen was starting to talk a lot more and I could tell he's super smart.

In Cincy together in 2012

Playing at Owen's water table

Look at Owen's smile! Owen, Jason, and James playing cars, May 2012

I most recently saw Owen in Ramsey in October. Technically I was there to meet Hailey, but James got lots of time with his buddy.

James, Kevin, Owen, and Jason playing ball

Look at these cute baby boys watching a video together

Owen is my little buddy. James totally looks up to him. We love him, and we are so looking forward to our next visit with him. So please pray that he is 100% healthy again fast fast fast.

Five Years Since We Met 2011

On Saturday, Kevin and I celebrated five years since we first met at a coffee shop in Charlottesville called Mudhouse. I know that by now we should only be celebrating our wedding anniversary, but I can't quite let that day go.

I was terrifically excited about dating him by our second date. I once asked Kevin when he first "knew" and he said it was our sixth date (just 18 days after we met) when I volunteered to give blood with him and then almost passed out while donating. He took me back to my place and asked me to be his girlfriend. A little more than a month after we met, we exchanged I love yous. I had been waiting impatiently for him to say it first.

The day before Kevin said I love you. Yes, I am making "jazz hands"

We had been dating just under four months when we spent our first Thanksgiving together with his mother and brother. (I often tell the story of how the first words out of his mother's mouth when we first met were to ask me if I wanted children!) We were engaged by the following Thanksgiving in 2007.

Hiking the day after Thanksgiving 2006

What's the point of all this? I have a lot of friends I've heard wonder out loud how you know when you found the one. When I was single I often wondered this myself, and I was super frustrated by married people answering, "you just know." It sounded phony. It sounded like they couldn't think of a single redeeming quality about their significant other, or that they had chosen their partner pretty much at random. But when I dated Kevin I suddenly understood. The way you know is that for the first time, you feel confident that this is the person you choose to love. It's the confidence that distinguishes it from your other relationships. In other words, you know because for the first time you don't "think," you "know." That's why people say they "just know." I know it so hard that my only confusion is why every woman isn't also in love with Kevin. Maybe they just don't realize what I have going here.

And here is the gratuitous photo of James (on the five year anniversary of when we met):

He would be waving if he knew how to wave.

Our 2nd Wedding Anniversary 2011

Kevin and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary on Monday.  Last year, we went to Niagara Falls to celebrate a week early during Memorial Day Weekend. Then on the actual day of our anniversary we went to the Brooklyn Bridge Park, smashed our wedding wine bottle guestbook, and then ate some famous Grimaldi's pizza. (Note: Because of my guestbook idea that post was added to some wedding search engine, so the post is by far our most popular with hundreds of hits.)

This year, and I might have mentioned this somewhere here, we had a baby on our hands, so we had to tone it down. Besides, we had our night of dressing up, dinner, and dancing on the night of the Kosmidis wedding two days earlier. So Kevin and I celebrated by taking a family walk in our town's bird sanctuary garden, taking some photos, and ordering copious amounts of sushi for dinner. James did not cooperate by being happy or quiet, but he's making up for it today by being the angel baby he always is when we leave him with someone else.

Taken by James (well, the automatic propped up on his stroller)

Since James was so good, I had an opportunity to scan photos for the first time since I was pregnant. Some of you know how happy such a thing makes me. The first thing I scanned was a few more guestbook messages I couldn't find last year, and look, my friend Cate's message was prescient of life after our first anniversary when we opened the bottle.  I was pregnant for much of the last year of our marriage, and Kevin got MLB.TV a streaming television application so he can watch Red Sox games that aren't on the networks in our area. Um-hum, lots of baby, and lots of Red Sox.

Cate's message in a bottle for our first anniversary

On a more serious note, it's difficult to express how my love and respect for my husband has grown over the past year because of his incredible support during the illness and death of my father, and during my long and tiring pregnancy. And also, now, watching him be the most amazing father ever to our baby. You can watch all the Red Sox you want, honey.

Christmas Past 2004-2009

Some Christmas pictures with our family from the last six years.

Christmas Eve 2004 with my parents

Christmas 2004 with my brother and grandmother

Christmas Eve 2005 with my parents

Christmas Eve 2006 with my parents

Christmas Eve 2006, my last Christmas photo with both of my parents

Christmas 2007 with Kevin's family

Just after Christmas 2007 with Grandma Shute

Parents visiting Charlottesville after Christmas 2007

Christmas 2008

Christmas on the Cape with Grandpa George and Uncle Dickie, 2008

Kevin gifting Grandma Ruth (Andrew and Katie sipping wine), 2008

With Kevin's mom and cousin Chris, 2008

Parents visiting Brooklyn shortly after Christmas 2008

I wrote about Christmas last year, here are some of my favorite photos again:

Kevin and his brother Andrew in NYC 2009

Our first married Christmas at my parents in 2009

My parents, Christmas 2009

It's been one month today

“He didn’t come out of my belly, but my God, I’ve made his bones, because I’ve attended to every meal, and how he sleeps, and the fact that he swims like a fish because I took him to the ocean. I’m so proud of all those things. He is my biggest pride.” - John Lennon.

Thanks for the bones, Dad.

It's a boy!

I've been convinced the baby is a boy for weeks.  Before we went to the 16 week appointment Kevin asked me what if the baby turned out to be a girl?  I said it didn't matter because it was a boy. But at the appointment the doctor couldn't tell because the sonogram image wasn't clear.  She zoomed in on something that I couldn't see at all and said, "See that? Maybe it's a boy."  Kevin and I started laughing because that wasn't helpful at all.  Then she typed right on the sonogram "MAYBE A BOY??"  Um, thanks.

Well the 20-week sonogram clarified it.  The sonogram technician said Baby Clou is definitely a boy, and a doctor confirmed it. This will be the first boy in my maternal line in a long time- my great grandmother had two girls, my grandmother had a girl, and my mother just had me. My mother came to the sonogram with us and was weepy with happiness.  It's been a tough week for her too, so a little bit of happy baby news was nice.  Also, I'm halfway through the pregnancy now!

20 weeks sonogram profile with jazz hand

Thanksgiving 2010

I was hoping for a different Thanksgiving this year and for many years to come than what will be. I was looking forward to taking full family pictures this year with a pregnant belly and next year with the baby. But I am still thankful for some things.

On my wedding day, I remembered how lucky I was that dad had made it through his kidney cancer in 1999. I felt lucky that he could walk me down the aisle and dance with me at the wedding. I am thankful Kevin and I went to my dad's favorite place in Upstate New York with my parents last summer after we got married. I am thankful that I spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas with my parents last year especially since I never suspected it was my last chance to spend the holidays with both of them.

I am thankful that my dad wasn't working for the six months before his diagnosis. Even though he was depressed about not being able to find another job, he was still able to spend that time with mom and their friends and enjoying the outdoors. During that time, my parents visited us in our Brooklyn apartment shortly after my birthday, and Kevin and I treated my parents to dinner for their 25th wedding anniversary.  Before dad began treatment we had a dinner at home that he was able to enjoy.  After he started treatment I remember being thankful even at the time for the opportunity to make him a sandwich. If you are lucky enough to have your parents or children you love, please do everything you can to make them happy while they are healthy -- whether it is big or small.

I am grateful that after his diagnosis, Kevin took me to every appointment dad had with a doctor or procedure he had done.  When I couldn't make it because of work, Kevin went without me.  Every weekend that we didn't have a close friend's wedding to attend we spent with my parents in New Jersey. He helped me with talking to doctors and calling insurance.  He did innumerable favors for my parents and continues to do so for my mother.  He is truly a son to both of my parents.  I might spend the rest of my life making it up to him for how wonderful he is.  We had no idea that my dad would only have 4 months but I am so glad that there is very little we would have done differently if we had known.

I am grateful that my mother was at my father's side every single day since his diagnosis.  There was rarely a day she didn't spend 10-12 hours or more at his side.  Knowing she was there and that he had her to take care of him was an amazing comfort to me.  Everything she did, she did just for him and no one else, but what an amazing gift she gave all of us who love my father.  She was smart and strong for both of them.  Anyone who has been through cancer or a loved one's illness knows that a great deal depends on the patient's support system.  Someone has to be there to ask a million questions and fight for their loved ones- whether it be with insurance companies, pharmacies, doctors, or errant nurses.  He had wonderful nurses and PCAs when he was on the oncology floor at Valley Hospital, but my mother still learned their jobs and tried to personally do everything for my dad herself.  I assure you there is no better nurse than my mother caring for someone she loves.  I am happy to have my mother in my life, and proud that she is so intelligent, strong, and loving.  I hope to live up to be the kind of woman that she is.

I am relieved that my mother and I never left my father alone during the last week of his life. Once the doctor told us that the tumors had grown on Sunday the 14th, my mother started staying overnight so that dad wouldn't be lonely or afraid or suffer any pain or discomfort that she could prevent. I stayed at least 10 hours a day.  One of dad's last meals was his favorite chocolate milkshake that I bought him and mom fed him.  I gave him his last glass of water.  We told him we loved him hundreds of times in four months in as many ways as we knew how.  I am so glad I  told him he was a wonderful father.  

I am grateful to the friends that visited and helped, especially my mother's friend Onel.  Thankful forever to my friends that came to visit to help me personally, and to the few that sent food. It's hard to tell people what they can do for you when your world is falling apart; what a blessing for friends that do whatever they can think of to help.

I am really grateful that Kevin and I will have someone else to love soon and that we will be parents.  Though I really wish people would stop saying that it somehow makes up for the loss of my dad.  It doesn't.  On the contrary, dad was at his best with children.  How sad that our child will never know such a wonderful grandfather, and that we can never have visits or holidays all together.

Thanksgivings past:

With my parents in Upstate NY in 1988

On the Cape in 2001

On the Cape in 2003

On the Cape in 2004

In New Jersey in 2007, the day after Kevin proposed

In New Jersey in 2008

On the Cape in 2009

Dad's Time

We don't know how long dad has left but it's matter of days now. He's in pain and he's suffering. He's on a lot of pain medication, so he's incoherent or asleep most of the time. But we figure that's better than him being in more pain.

To say that he doesn't deserve this is a vast understatement. He's a wonderful and generous person. For the 25 to 26 years that I've known him he exercised and ate well and encouraged me to do the same. He practiced yoga, meditation, and tai chi. At 61-years-old, he looks ten years younger.  He helped all his elderly neighbors. He gave money to people he didn't even know who needed his help. Even now in the hospital he worries about my mother and me, and even about the nurses. Some of the nurses have cried for him.

That's the easy stuff to explain. It's so hard to explain what he's done for me and for my mother. I can't speak to the entirety of my parents' relationship, but he is the kind of husband other people envy. He worked and he also cooked and ran the household chores. He was devoted and faithful to my mother for over 25 years. She tells the nurses and anyone who will listen that he never so much as raised his voice to her. The evidence of their mutual love is that my mother has been at his side every day all day throughout his illness, and she has never considered it one minute more than he deserves.

With mom in Charlottesville in 2007

My dad has always put me before himself. Without him, I wouldn't be half the person I am. I read the books he gave me, learned the big words from him, and followed him around the house to talk to him. I would talk to him about everything, from the possibility of alien life forms to boys and kissing. He chaperoned my enrichment trips. He came to my field hockey games even though I wasn't very good and sometimes he had to see me get hurt. He came to my concerts even though I was worse at music. When he got kidney cancer the first time in 1999, his biggest concern was that I be able to finish college. I was blessed that I got to keep him for another 11 years and that he was able to walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding. (I waited for 30 years to marry a man who I thought was as wonderful as my father.)  He came to my graduations for kindergarten, eighth grade, high school, college, my masters program, law school, and to my bar swearing-in ceremony.  When I told him I was pregnant he cried with happiness and kissed my hand because he couldn't reach up to kiss me from the hospital gurney. At a foot taller than me, he has called me "Shorty" my entire life.

With me on Cape Cod in 2004

Occasionally, I explain to someone that my dad is actually my stepfather, but I never once heard him call me his stepdaughter, and not once did he ever make me feel like anything other than his child completely. When I look around I see that not only do I have a wonderful father, but I have a better father than almost everyone else. The expression, "you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family," doesn't apply to us. We chose each other to be family. I love my dad.

3 Months Pregnant 2010

Our baby at 11 weeks- he or she is awesome

With baby Eleanor

9 Weeks, September 12, 2010
The week began with Rachel's 30th birthday surprise. I got to hold Eleanor finally, and she was so quiet and wonderful. It was such a shame not to be able to share the news with Rachel, Janice, and Christina in person.

Becky and Brandon had baby Connor 14 weeks early this week.

Later in the week, My dad was in aggressive rehab when his leg pain increased. Mom had to bring him back to the hospital and the doctors decided to perform another leg embolization because the leg tumor had grown again. The first embolization was done with wires and this second one was done with alcohol at a different hospital in Teaneck that specialized in it. They used a dye that would affect his kidney the following week.

Milestones: Our baby book says the baby is starting to grow muscles to move his arms and legs on purpose.
Craving: Fish Vitamin C in any form, though orange juice and grape fruit juice make me queasy
Anti-craving: I guess the baby hates red meat forever
Symptoms: nausea, sciatic nerve pain
Baby-size: Grape
Weight gain: 2 pounds

10 Weeks, September 19, 2010
The weekend was really tough as my dad's kidney failed, and I gave up on trying to keep my stress down. I took sometime off work and joined my parents at the hospital. Kevin and I had been waiting until after next week's appointment to tell our mothers, but the circumstances were scary enough that I thought it would be best to tell my mother on Monday night so that she could discuss the news with dad. Dad started his dialysis on Monday, and afterward he felt a little better than he had during the weekend, and mom was in okay spirits. Mom started crying and hugging Kevin and didn't let go, until I insisted on my turn for a hug. Dad pretended to be surprised, but I busted him. Unfair since I’m the one who asked him to keep it a secret in the first place. I showed mom the sonogram picture, but dad was interrupted by a follow-up ct-scan, so I showed him the following day after his second dialysis treatment. His kidney started working again on its own by the end of the week.

Milestones:  Our baby book says the baby is starting to grow bones and cartilage.  The baby can bend its elbows. The kidneys are now producing urine. If the baby is a boy, he's producing testerone.
Craving: Peanut butter, cranberry juice, granola (I saw a picture in a magazine of granola and became obsessed), Honey nut cheerios, tea
Anti-craving: Meat is back in, coffee is still out.
Symptoms: Sleepiness
Baby-size: Kumquat
Weight gain: 3 pounds

11 Weeks, September 26, 2010
Our week started with our ultrascreen appointment, which was awesome. We got sonogram photos and even a video of the sonogram.

And active!

Then around the 29th I got sick with a cold or flu. It would last for weeks! Sniffling, coughing, achiness. Dad was moved to a less aggressive rehab and then we were off to Cory and Robin's wedding.

Milestones: According to our baby book, the webbed fingers and toes have split into separate fingers and toes with nails starting to grow.  The nose has little nostrils.  If the baby is a girl, she's starting to develop ovaries.
Craving: Cherry-flavored anything and citrus, granola. Honey nut cheerios, tea
Anti-craving: Figs? Hm.
Symptoms: Round ligament pain
Baby-size: Fig
Weight gain: 4 pounds

12 Weeks, October 3-9, 2010
Baby is now the size of a lime, so Kevin tosses me a lime, and I say "this is huge, how would you not feel this kicking around?"  Kevin goes, "throw me back our baby."

I got a call from the doctor's office that everything was okay with the baby.  Since it was 12 weeks now, that meant we could start telling people, but we wanted to tell Kevin's mom before other people.  We arranged for her to come visit at the end of the week so that we could tell her in person.

I was getting sicker and sicker this week with my cold or flu.  Sniffling turned to coughing.  Dad started getting sick in rehab again so he went back to the hospital.    It took the doctors a few days to figure out what was wrong, and Kevin's mom met us at the hospital on Saturday.

I had to review documents at the hospital, but we took a break to take Kevin's mom to lunch and tell her the good news.  We gave her a card with a copy of the sonogram.  Just like my parents, she cried with happiness.

I felt bad having to leave my dad when he was having another minor surgery the next day, but I had to work the whole weekend.  In fact, I even missed most of Kathy's visit, though it was nice of her to have dinner waiting for me when I came home from work.

Milestones: All our parents and grandparents (the baby's great-grandparents!) know we're pregnant.  Our baby book says the baby's bone marrow is starting to produce white blood cells to fight off infection, and the pituitary gland is producing hormones.
Craving: Apples, granola
Anti-craving: Coffee
Symptoms: Round ligament pain, acid reflux  (coughing plus acid reflux means vomiting)
Baby-size: Lime
Weight gain: 4 pounds