When Will Baby Arrive? 2011

Dear Baby,

I can understand your reluctance to come out despite an auspicious date today. It seems that 4/11/11 would be an awesome birthday, but I can see how it's a small consolation for the scary news you keep hearing on the television. Most obviously, we're in a three-front war with Afghanistan, Iraq, and now Libya. On the bright side, the draft has pretty much been out of use since 1973, and you won't be 18 until 2029. Then there is the Japanese earthquake, tsunami, radiation leakage, and continuing huge aftershocks. There is no bright side there at all, but we do live far from Japan and major fault lines. Unfortunately, we live fairly close to some of the most dangerous nuclear facilities and potential nuclear targets. Sorry about that, but I assure you that in the event of a nuclear situation you will not fare any better inside my belly than outside. Then there are the tornadoes that ripped through the Midwest and West Virginia. Again, really awful. We also don't live in a tornado or hurricane area, nor do we even own a home, but we do have renters insurance. We promise that if something happens, we will only save you and not any stuff. (All my photos are online anyway.) There's the national government reaching the debt ceiling, and periodically just threatening shutdown for no discernible reason. Locally, you might have heard that there is a serial killer loose on Long Island. Just stay away from prostitution, and you should be okay with that one. And then there's the crazy "wizard" Charlie Sheen (aka Carlos Estevez). He's not a real wizard, and he can't hurt you if you don't watch television or attend his live shows.

But maybe you're not afraid of any of this stuff. Perhaps you don't really grasp the geo-political and social problems of 2011. Maybe you've just heard all the due date suggestions. Your father doesn't want to miss work, so he requested that you come the Friday evening before his Spring Break (or at the absolute earliest, to not start labor until this evening). Grandma Shute would prefer Thursday, April 14th, so that you'll be born on her wedding anniversary. I expressed concern that if you pick the 14th, your birthday might be neglected when you're older by your friends that procrastinate their taxes.

Earlier in the pregnancy, you might have heard me suggest that you should arrive as close to your actual due date of April 17th as possible, or even LATE so I could have more time to prepare and relax. Maybe you heard me say to the sonogram technician that you were welcome to stay in there as long as you like. Let me point out that back then you were about 6 pounds, and now you feel like you might be 10 pounds based on my difficulty standing and balancing. Things have changed, buddy. Let me know what day you plan on making an appearance so that your dad can take his turn carrying you around.

Sincerely,
Your human stroller